Roll Call


Goood morning, Whitenoisers, and Happy St. Patrick's Day. As many of you know, this is the glorious day on which we all try to wear something green enough not to get pinched (because we're all 9 years old on the inside) and celebrate Irish heritage by drinking too much and putting food dye in everything and making tasteless jokes about bombing people. Poor Irish bastards. I am so sorry. But if there's anything we know how to do well as Americans, it's make a cartoon out of other folks. We're magically delicious that way.

Makes me glad to be a mostly Scottish mutt, as folks just ignore us, though if you had to say I came from a culture per se it would probably be Southern United States Trailer Park. We have a rich heritage of actually being drunk all the time and picking fights, so it's like the holiday was meant for my people all along. But I digress.

It's Monday, is what it is, and I hope that those who are doing some hard-core celebrating get the most out of it for our sake. I'll just be schlepping in to work as usual and not doing much different, and though I have a peculiar craving for some soda bread now I doubt I'll be not-lazy enough to go and fetch some somewhere (Go Team Trailer Park). Anything exciting planned for today? Beer? Shamrock-shaped cookies? Talking in a terrible accent to amuse and aggravate your friends?