Otters Oddities

I...um...I have...I...I...Nothing I can say about this would make this any funnier.

That is provided you understand what spooge is. At least, what it's slang for. It's slang for ejaculate. Male ejaculate. Guy Goo. Baby Juice. I could go on, but I'm not going to. Because it's early and, frankly, spooge in tomato sauce really doesn't sound tasty.

And now is the time that I would expand on the opening joke for a bit before moving on to the days subject. But I just can't. I mean, it would be so easy to do, but it would also be tasteless, and I'm not going to do that to you this early in the morning. A never ending stream of spooge, (ok, one joke), jokes would just be juvenile.

So, even though it'll make for a shorter oddities post, I'm going to just dive into todays subject head first. And what is todays subject?

Spooge.

Well, technically it's DNA. But the DNA I'm discussing today is the DNA in spooge. So it is, kind of, about spooge. (OK, I promise, from now on I'll call it sperm or semen)

Semen is mans contribution to the baby making process. And it's really not very fair, if you think about it. I mean, sex in and of it's self feels good. (for guys, at least. I have no idea what sex feels like as a woman). That is to say, sex from first stroke to grand finale, feels good.

Granted, the orgasm feels better than the sex before it, but sex is like a Tootsie Pop: The goal is the tasty bit on the inside, but you still enjoy getting to it.

And that's why I say it's not fair. Regardless of what you see depicted in Hollywood sex scenes or in porn, the average male will orgasm within 5 minutes of beginning intercourse. The average is something like 3 1/2 minutes.

For women. the average time to reach orgasm through vaginal penetration is something closer to 15 minutes.

And, for a man to produce a baby, he has to ejaculate his sperm, which occurs during orgasm. A woman can have her egg fertilized without achieving orgasm. So procreation is weighted to be more enjoyable for men. And that's why it's not fair.

But what exactly is the man injecting into the woman to make a baby? DNA, silly. Male sperm, (And the females egg), are what's known as a Zygote. A zygote is half of a cell. Two zygotes combine to create a new cell. That first cell the sperm and egg create is eventually baby.

But all a zygote really does is transfer data. Sperm take the mans DNA, (data), and combines it with the females DNA. This is how we get a third individual. And, DNA contains a lot of data. So much data that the chances of combining the DNA the same way twice are astronomically high. So high that's, for all intents and purposes, it's impossible. That's why siblings are similar, but not exact. Even identical twins are different in some ways.

Scientists have calculated how much data one sperm carries to the female. Each sperm contains 37.5 MegaBytes of data. To put that into perspective, ebooks are seldom larger than that. So there's a of of data in a single sperm.

But, sperm are stupid. They will swim in every direction when they are released. And, they have quite a distance to go when they do go in the right direction. So there needs to be a lot of them. Because, a lot of them won't make it, even if they head the right way.

We all know there's a lot of sperm in one ejaculate. But did you know that there's so many that, in terms of data, every time a man ejaculates, he is transferring 1.5 TeraBytes of data? In an average of 3 seconds?

USB3 and Thunderbolt can kiss my ass!